Now that we've acknowledged that divorce and marriage statistics are skewed, let's acknowledge another fact: everyone is at different development levels (I prefer the term plane, as in different geometric planes that way it's less hierarchical). Some people know themselves more than others. I know that I want to go to a paralegal program after college, but other college students don't even know what they want classes they want to take next semester. I don't think anyone has the right to judge the development plane in which someone is in at the moment. Let's admit it, some people don't value marriage and they'll probably never get married. Other people value love and monogamy and would do well in marriage. Both can be correct. It depends on the person's attitudes and beliefs. The time at which someone gets married probably depends more on their circumstances rather than their age.
|Planes of Identity|
I find the idea that you have to "find" yourself before you marry is bogus. If you're to have a good relationship, I do believe you have to find someone with similar tastes who shares your most important values. You don't, however, have to have a completely formed identity. In marriage, you'll have to learn how to adapt to your partner. If you're stuck in your ways, then that'll never happen. I'm sure there are many older people out there who can explain to younger people that your identity changes as you age. It changes as you encounter new experiences and marriage is one of those experiences. Identities are somewhat stable but never truly solid. Even my 50-year-old parents are still changing over time as they adapt to their lives and sometimes aren't sure about what they want. Life is fluid, probably more fluid than the ocean.
I think whom you marry and when you marry should depend on your values, and those values are different for everyone. It's not our place to judge those who prefer to marry early, in the middle, or late.
If we really want to talk about marriage, I prefer this article on Huffington Post: True Love Need Not Wait.
Instead of telling young people, "Don't get married," we should tell them, "I'm worried about you getting married young. Have you thoroughly talked this over with your future spouse and talked about marriage with experienced couples?"
I'll admit when it comes to marriage, I don't know much since I've never been married. I can only rattle off statistics I've learned from articles and the classroom. I can only describe what I think and learn from watching married people grow. Besides, only about two of my cousins, uncles, and aunts have ever gotten divorce. So I'm not very learned in terms of divorce. Maybe I still have marriage fantasies going on in my head, but I don't think glorifying later marriages should be our only option.